This is such an interesting topic, and I recently came across a Vox video that dives into it. Growing up, I used to think I wanted kids. I wanted to love and care for someone and, in doing so, break the cycle of bad parenting I experienced. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realised I feel more certain about not wanting kids than wanting them.
It saddens me how society often ties a woman’s purpose or the epitome of womanhood to motherhood, as if having children is the ultimate fulfilment of life. I disagree. Over time, I’ve reflected deeply on this and come to understand why I no longer want kids—or at least, not for now. Here are some of the reasons:
1. Finances Matter
I grew up poor, and I know firsthand the impact of poverty. Many parents I know who had unplanned pregnancies or struggled financially often tell me, “When you become a parent, you’ll be surprised by the sacrifices you’re willing to make to get by.” While that sentiment is admirable, I don’t want to live a life of barely “getting by,” figuring things out as I go. That’s not the life I want for myself or for my potential child.
Given my current financial situation and my vision for how I want to live as I grow older, having a child would feel like a financial burden. It’s not a commitment I’m willing to make unless I can provide a stable, secure, and abundant life for both myself and a child.
2. Happiness Doesn’t Depend on Having a Child
Some say having a child brings happiness, and maybe it does to some extent, much like caring for a pet. But children come with growing needs, autonomy, and responsibilities that far exceed anything else. To me, that’s a lot of work for what feels like fleeting moments of joy.
For me, happiness is about being free to live the life I want on my own terms—exploring, learning, and doing what fulfills me personally. I don’t feel that raising a child aligns with my version of happiness right now.
3. My Priorities Are Different
I had a traumatic childhood in addition to growing up poor. Now that I’m capable of reparenting myself, my priority is me. I want to give myself the love, care, and opportunities I didn’t have before. I want to experience the world fully and do everything I’ve dreamed of doing.
Having a child would inevitably tie me down and potentially hinder those dreams. It might sound selfish, but I see my life as my own to live, not as something to be spent working tirelessly to provide for another person.
4. The Sacrifices Are Significant
Time, money, energy—these are some of the most valuable resources we have, even if we don’t always recognise it. Raising a child demands sacrifices in all these areas, and I’m not willing to give them up yet.
I don’t want to find myself later in life regretting the things I didn’t do for myself and trying to justify it by saying, “It’s okay, I’ll live those dreams through my child.” That’s not how I want my life to work. I want to reach a point where I feel content and fulfilled before considering having children. Only then would I feel ready.
5. I’m Honest About Not Being Ready
I can admit that I’m not ready to become a mother—and maybe I never will be. People often say, “No one is ever truly ready to be a parent,” and while that may be true, I know myself. I didn’t grow up in a healthy, functional family, and that adds extra pressure to the idea of becoming a parent.
Motherhood requires an emotional, mental, and physical commitment that I don’t feel equipped for, especially given my upbringing. I recognise that, and I’m honest enough to say I’m not in the right place for it. All of these reasons, combined with the points discussed in Vox’s video, resonate deeply with me. Maybe one day, if I feel financially and emotionally ready, I’ll reconsider having kids. But for now, I’m certain: I don’t want children.