If there’s one thing I used to dislike about my boyfriend, it was his response to my rants and complaints. Whenever I opened up about something that bothered me, he’d immediately point out something positive about the situation. Rather than agreeing with me or adding fuel to my fire, he’d offer a different perspective, and I really hated it. It made me feel brushed aside, as if he didn’t care how bad I felt, didn’t understand, or was just giving me a dose of toxic positivity.
But after some reflection, I realised it wasn’t him—it was me. I was projecting my own pessimism onto him. I tend to prepare for the worst, constantly thinking through every negative possibility with the reasoning, “If something bad happens, at least I’ll be ready.” But in reality, life doesn’t work that way. I tend to overanalyse, and my reactions often blow situations out of proportion.
One thing that struck me was something Anna Akana once said: “Your psychological response to an event is actually more important than what happened to you.” That statement really hit home. I realised I had a habit of ruminating on unpleasant things far more than I should. Growing up in a toxic household, I hadn’t learned healthy ways to handle stress. My sister and I would vent to each other as a form of support, and I assumed this was normal. I didn’t view it as complaining—just as a way of expressing myself.
That’s when I decided to try practising gratitude. Every day, I made it a point to write down 10 things I was grateful for, no matter how small—like simply waking up in the morning—or significant, like a major event in my life. Over time, I noticed a shift within myself. When something unpleasant happened, my mind no longer dwelled solely on the negative. Instead, I found myself asking, “Okay, this isn’t ideal, but what can I do to make it better or less overwhelming?”
After more than three months of listing things to be grateful for each day, I realised just how much I’d changed during a recent conversation with someone. This person was venting, and I found that I couldn’t relate to their frustration in the same way I once would have. I saw the situation from a different perspective. Had this been me a few months earlier, I would’ve responded just as they did, but now I had a more constructive, positive outlook.
I also learned not to put myself through something twice. If I anticipate that something bad will happen or something I don’t like or isn’t in my favour will happen, I don’t think about it too much and get stressed about it before it becomes a fact. Instead, I constructively think on how I will deal with it once it actually happens.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still allowed to express my emotions and recognise when something is bad. What’s different now is that I don’t fixate on the negative. I acknowledge it, then shift my focus to what can solve it or make it less troubling.
Practising gratitude has honestly changed a lot for me. It isn’t just about “thinking positive”; it’s about shifting my whole mindset. By focusing on what I already have instead of what’s missing, I’ve found myself feeling more content and less weighed down by stress. Gratitude also changes how I connect with people; it makes me more patient and open, which has been good for my relationships. Over time, I feel like it’s retrained my brain to look for the good even on difficult days, making me more resilient. Gratitude has helped me build a mental foundation that keeps me grounded now and hopefully, even stronger in the future. It has made my mind healthier, stronger, and more attuned to the good things I once overlooked while wrapped up in negativity. It’s been a powerful shift, and I’m grateful for it every day.